Personal Post: I am Grateful

Okay – I would really love to take a moment and just talk about my Fiance. We kinda skipped the courting part and got right down to living together. Before we started dating I was so used to having alllllll of this time to myself. Like – I would come home from work make a bowl of cereal, go straight to my room, throw myself across my bed and start reading while trying to simultaneously shove cereal into my face. Classy right?

Anyways with another human being living with me, a human being whose feelings I was responsible for, I stopped reading. I felt like i had NO time to read at all. I was getting a bit resentful and bitter about this because Reading is my escape from Reality. It is my daily mini vacay that doesn’t require pants or adulting. It makes me happy. I at first never told him this. I felt that it was so rude to just crack open a book and start to ignore him especially when he is so loving and devoted to me! This went on for MONTHS!!! I mean from February to the very end of October. I am proud to say that my yearly book count is around roughly 90 books a year. I FORCE time out of my schedule just to read but I couldn’t do that anymore.

So fast forward thru all of my angst, growing resentment, seething rage and bubbling depression to mid September. I am not even sure what set me off or what the argument was about or how we even got to the point in the fight where he looks at me all sad like and asks “what do you need me to do to help make you feel better?” I mean don’t get me wrong I LOVE this man. I feel bad for the things i say,i apologize, i cook dinner for him and even smile in the mornings with him(this qualifies as real love for me.) So it devastated me for a moment when i realized that I was wallowing in this really murky pool of depression, simply bogged down by the day to day. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just be normal and feel better after going to the gym. I didn’t KNOW that me feeling crappy was affected him like Sadness in Inside Out. I didn’t know what to tell him.

Well after a very emotional moment in which i blubbered my quiet resentments and silly book nerd needs he laughed at me…yea you read it right LAUGHED at me. He grabs the book that had been sitting in my bag untouched for a month and set it in my lap and just goes downstairs. I kinda sat and stared at this book like it was going to eat me for a while and in that time, he comes back upstairs with an armload of stuff. The man had brought me snacks! I stared at him like he was an alien because WHO DOES THIS?! He just patted my knee and said “Babe, read your book. I’ll be downstairs.” I felt beyond elated and so full of happiness and love in that moment I cried some more.

It occurred to me today that I have read more in the last 2 months than I have most of this year and it’s because of aforementioned Fiance simply chose to UNDERSTAND that I don’t live well without reading. Everyday I hear him say at least once to go ahead and take some time to myself to just read. He reminds me about it. He asks me if I finished what I read and if I liked it. He may not get the whole blogging thing or my goals for the blog as a whole but he tries to at least be interested if not involved. He will never be a reader himself – Believe me I have tried! – but he is a wonderful supporter. He may always mutter that I have too many books in the house but always be the first to go out with me to buy another one.

You see I am the most grateful, happiest and luckiest reader in the world. Reading, it isn’t his thing. He doesn’t truly understand the peace it brings me but he doesn’t care and he forces time out of the day for me. He could be a tyrant and demand all of my time to himself but he gets that reading is just a part of my soul. So he brings me snacks, turns on the heat when he sees me burrowing in the blankets, holds out tissues and offers a hug when a book makes me cry, He let’s me rage when I hate the ending, and tries his very hardest not to talk to me while I read. I am spoiled I know! Yea, I know to some he seems whipped or whatever but he tries to literally give me happiness, even for a small amount of time, every single day. I am a very lucky spoiled girl and happy that this frog turned into my prince.

So, thank you Babe, for always accepting the little things that make me weird and for not only accepting them but for encouraging them. Thank you for working it out with me every day and for understanding that needing space doesn’t mean I love you less. Thank you for being so patient and in general kind. You are a king among men, fierce in your love for me and devout in all things that make me happy. Thank you for never getting mad when I eat the middles out of oreos or when I only half pay attention while i eat and read in bed. I am the happiest I have ever been. It isn’t the money that makes me feel rich but you. I love you and am so happy I am marrying you.

With all of the love I contain in my soul,
Your Future Wife


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